No More Clubs for me!

Last night, I went to a night club for the last time. I've said that before, many times over the past 20 years, but this time I really mean it. $10 to park your car, $20 to walk through the door, $10 for a drink, even $5 for a bottle of water... what's the point?

Every girl in a nightclub is young enough to be my daughter. They are all there with their friends. Everyone knows everyone. The last thing any 22-year-old girl wants is for some 43-year-old guy to come over and start talking to her when she is trying to hang out with her friends.

What the hell am I doing in a dance club, anyway? I don't even like dancing! And the music is so loud, you can't evn talk to anyone. I'll stick to bars from now on, thank you very much.

Fun for her, not for you

It takes a very special kind of woman to go out with you and have a great time while you are having a really shitty night.

I recently dated a woman like that. Her name was Lana. We went out to a bar one night, and Lana instantly started flirting with the bartender. Then she started chatting with all the other guys at the bar. One of the guys was a generic barfly in flip-flops who decided he would try to put the moves on Lana.

Now, I have no claim over Lana. She is free to talk to whoever she wants. And I know that the flip-flop guy is no real threat -- no matter what he says or does, Lana is going home with me. But I am kind of old-fashioned in that I feel if you agree to go to somewhere with someone, you should actually spend time with the person you came with.

A lot of women these days don't seem to feel that way. They feel they can ignore the guy they came with. They treat you like home base. They flutter around the room, flirting with other guys, dancing with other guys, always returning to you, always secure in the knowledge that they are leaving with you. And not really caring whether you have a good time or not.

At the end of the night, they will be drunk and deleriously happy, and then they will ask if you had a good time or not. You will answer "Yes," because you don't want to spoil their great mood. I usually try to avoid dating women like this, but from time to time, you do get stuck going out with them, and it is never fun.

I think it is not too much to ask for a girl to pay attention to the guy who paid for the entire evening and drove her there and back. I guess I am just old-fashioned that way.

Taking a Bad Bounce

In my last post I wrote about how every now and then it's fun to get back with an old girlfriend and hang out just for one night.

In this post, I'm going to explore the opposite side of the coin: sometimes when you hang out with an ex, even just for one night, the whole night serves as a painful reminder of why you broke up in the first place!

Last week, I had two nights out with my ex-girlfriend. The first was fun. But on the second night, all the bad memories came rushing back to me. Suddenly I remembered why I always felt we were a bad match, why we would never work out as a couple, why the two of us just were not meant to be together.

After a break-up, you wind up remembering only the good times. Sometimes, you need a really bad night out with that person to remind you of just how many bad times the two of you had, and why it is so important that you never date each other again!

The Bounce Back

Last night I got together with my ex-girlfriend, who I hadn't seen for a while. I have had good times with her and I have had bad times. Last night was one of the good ones. It was the kind of night where you forget about all the reasons why you're not together and just go with the moment.

Sometimes it's fun to just be with a girl you like. Even if she is not perfect for you. Even if you have a lot of reasons why you shouldn't be together. Even if you know she is not "The One."

Sometimes it's good to forget all that and spend a night with someone you're attracted to. And sometimes, no matter how much she might insist the two of you are "just friends," it can be fun to go back to being more than that. Even if it's just for one night.

There is something to be said for the comfort of being with someone you know.

GEOGRAPHICALLY UNDESIRABLE

When you live in the L.A. area, everything is 40 minutes away. You just get used to it after while and accept it as a fact of California living.

But some people never get used to it. Yesterday I saw a personal ad on Craig's List from a girl who had moved to L.A. from Chicago and was looking to meet a nice guy.

We exchanged pics and she sent me her number. She was very pretty, and I called her right away. One of the first things she wanted to know was where I lived. I told her I was in Thousand Oaks.

Immediately she lost interest. She explained that she has met many guys, but they all lived more than 30 minutes away, and that was not a distance she was willing to drive on a regular basis. I can see her point: it is not fun to have to drive 30-40 minutes every time you want to see your Significant Other.

I told her that I was about 40 minutes away from her. I added that I was planning on moving to Tarzana, which would put me only 30 minutes away from her. She said that was still too far.

I think she may be a little too rigid with her rule to not date outside of the TMZ (Thirty-Mile Zone). I used to date a girl who lived 30 minutes away from me, and I did all the driving, but because I really loved her, I was willing to make the drive.

This L.A. gal is literally looking to meet the Boy Next Door. But in L.A., I'm not sure she will ever find her man. She has already rejected 90% of the male population of Cali as being G.U.

I suggested to her that she make her personal ad a little more detailed, spelling out exactly what she is looking for, but she said that would scare away too many guys. Instead, she chooses to waste every one's time with phone calls where she usually rejects most guys within the first five minutes, after finding out where they live.

Seems to me she has not learned one of the first rules of dating: Sometimes if you meet someone you like, you have to be willing to put up with something you don't like, such as a 40-minute drive.

MY DATE STOLE HER DINNER!

When you’ve been single as long as I have, you wind up spending a lot of money on women that you go out with once and then never see again.
Recently I decided I was tired of spending so much money on women who would pass in and out of my life so quickly. I met a new girl at a bar last week, and instead of inviting her out for dinner, I decided I would invite her out for drinks – thus, saving myself the cost of a meal.
I ate dinner at home before our date, and I made sure I mentioned that fact to my date beforehand. My date (we’ll call her Kelly) was busy moving that day, and, as it turned out, had not had time to eat dinner.
We had arranged to meet at a local restaurant/bar. Kelly invited several of her friends to join us. Kelly was hungry, so she ordered herself a dinner. Everybody else at the table had already eaten, so the rest of us just had drinks. (Kelly did offer us all the opportunity to nibble off her plate, but we mostly passed.)
After she finished her dinner, Kelly decided it would be fun to head over to another part of the bar where there was a woman doing tarot card readings. Just like that, everybody at the table got up and went over to the other side of the club. Kelly still had not paid for her dinner.
One by one, every member of the group had their fortune told by the tarot card lady. Everyone, that is, except for me, since I don’t believe in any of that mystical mumbo jumbo.
An hour or so later, it was time to go. It was a weeknight, and most of the group had to be up early for work the next day. As we walked out the door, I was stunned that Kelly had made no effort to pay for her dinner.
I asked Kelly, “Don’t we need to take care of our tab?” (And by that I meant, “Don’t YOU need to take care of YOUR tab?” Kelly thought about it for half a second and replied, “I think my other friend already took care of it.”
As we headed out the exit, I looked for our waitress, but at that moment, she was nowhere in sight. I knew that Kelly’s friend had not paid the tab, and I think deep down inside, Kelly probably knew it, too.
But with our waitress nowhere to be found, there was no way to confirm it at that exact moment. And so we all left the restaurant.
All I could think about was how that waitress was probably going to have to pay for Kelly’s dinner. Most restaurants make the server pay the tab for any customers who walk out.
I saw no reason why I should have to pay for Kelly’s dinner. After all, I had invited her out for drinks, not dinner. Hell, she had a good job and she could afford to buy her own meal.
But Kelly did not seem too worried about paying her tab. She drove off without giving it a second thought. I never saw Kelly again after that night. She probably thought I was a cheap-ass for not buying her dinner, but I didn’t care. I just wanted there to be one night where I didn’t have to buy a dinner for some girl I was never going to see again.
In the end, nobody wound up paying for Kelly’s dinner, except maybe the waitress.
I bet the tarot card lady never saw that one coming!

DATING IS NOW EASIER THAN EVER!

When I was a young man, I used to be afraid to ask out girls because of a crushing fear of rejection. Over the years, I overcame my fear. I accomplished this by getting rejected by hundreds if not thousands of girls.

These days, I no longer have the fear, but I still don't enjoy being rejected. Thankfully, it is now easier than ever to avoid getting shot down.

These days, if there is a girl you like, you can just send her an e-mail or a text message to ask her out. She can text or e-mail you a rejection back, but it is a lot easier to take it when you never actually speak to the girl.

In the old days (pre-cell phone and Internet) you had to either look her in the eye or hear her voice on the phone when she shot you down. Not any more! Once again, modern technology keeps making life easier!

DATED THEN DELETED!

Remember that girl I met on the Internet who I mentioned a few posts ago? Recently she called me and told me she wanted to get together. She said she would be free over the weekend. This was the third time we were supposed to get together. She had bailed on me the two previous times.

Sure enough, just as the weekend came, she had a family tragedy and had to cancel our plans once again. I felt bad for her family, but at the same time, I knew that if this situation hadn't come up, she would have found another excuse. I had known her for several months. Clearly if we were ever going to get together, it would have happened by now.

I figured I would use reverse psychology on her. I wrote her an e-mail where I said, "I guess it wasn't meant to be." I figured she would feel so guilty about blowing me off, she would try harder than ever to make an effort to get together with me. Instead, she threw me for a loop when she wrote back and said, "You're right -- it wasn't meant to be."

I must admit, I did not see that coming! I thought she would keep stringing me along for years, making and breaking plans to get together. Instead, she actually went and deleted me from her myspace account! It was weird to get deleted by a friend I had known for months.

It is not fun being deleted. You feel like the person has erased you from existence, and, in a sense, they have.

In her world, I no longer exist. I could tell I really pissed her off. I know she will never speak to me or write to me again.

Only in the Internet Age can you get dumped by a girl you've never even met!

Nothing in Common

The other night I dated a girl who I had nothing in common with. For most of the night, we sat, not really speaking to each other. It's a shame, because I am very attracted to her. Physically speaking, she is everything a guy could ever want: blonde, busty, pretty face.

There just wasn't any chemistry there. I got the impression that she is very quiet with new people, which is kind of weird, because she was aggressive enough to express an interest in me in the first place.

She is a local girl who grew up in the area. I am fairly new in town, and I don't really know a lot of people here. But she knows tons of people, most of them guys. All night long, she kept running into guys she knew. She kept running off to talk to all her guy friends. Sometimes she would introduce me to her guy friends, sometimes not. Either way, it didn't really matter to me. What could I possibly have to say to these guys?

Is there anything less fun than watching your date spending half the night talking to other guys? I don't see how that could be fun for anyone. My feeling is, when you go out with someone, that is the person you are with for the whole night. There is no reason to run off and talk to all these other people. That is just disrespectful.

At the end of the night, she gave me a half-hug goodbye and told me to call her again. I said I would, but I'm not really sure why. I can't exactly say it was a fun night. Still, I do find her very attractive, so maybe I'll give her a second chance.

Only next time, we'll go someplace where she doesn't know anyone.

My Online Girlfriend

There's a girl I met on the Internet -- she likes to call me all the time. She loves to write me e-mails and send me text messages. And she really loves to meet me in the chat room for some more quality time together.

There's only one thing she hasn't done, and that's actually meet me face-to-face -- despite my best efforts to make it happen. She went through a bad break-up last year and she says she just isn't ready to date anyone right now.

I think some girls like being in a cyber-relationship. It gives them the intimacy they're looking for without them having to actually leave the house. They don't have to deal with anything they don't want to deal with -- like a guy who might want to take the "relationship" to the next level.

My cyber-gal talks a good game, saying she would love to meet me/date me in the future -- but I know that future may never come. She enjoys the safety of our online "relationship." Me, I just get frustrated that I can't be with her. I consider it a form of torture every time she calls me.

I think people should be judged by their actions, not their words. People can promise you anything online, but unless they're actually willing to meet you in the flesh, their promises are just empty words, floating around in cyberspace.

Flirting with Disaster

I once dated a girl who considered herself a "flirt." Her attitude was, "I'm coming to the bar with you. And I'm leaving with you. But inbetween, I will flirt with every other guy in the bar, dance with a bunch of different guys, and give out my number to whoever I want." She figured it was all good, since she was going home with me at the the end of the night.

But it wasn't all good. It is not fun to watch your date flirt with every other guy in the bar. You wind up hanging out by yourself for a good portion of the night, and that is not fun at all.

My date was an "Attention Whore," but she denied it. She tried to play it off like all these men were coming to her. The reality was, she encouraged them to approach her and she initiated contact as often as they did.

After one night of this behavior, I decided I did not want to see her again. Flirting can be a fun way to meet someone, but it is not fun to date someone who is a habitual flirter. As far as I'm concerned, you are either with the person you came with or you are not. You can't have it both ways.

Dating Someone who Drinks a LOT more Than You Do

I'm something of a lightweight when it comes to drinking. One or two drinks and I'm good for the night. I'm more of a social drinker than anything else.

Recently I dated a girl who was a big-time partyer. She would call me up and say,"Do you want to go out for a drink?" I naively assumed that meant she literally wanted to out for one drink, maybe two, tops. Dopey me. For a true drinker, there is no such thing as having "One drink."

That actually translated into: "Do you want to stay in a bar, drinking for hours and hours until closing time, and then go looking for a fast food restaurant that is open at three in the morning?"

It also meant I was spending a lot of money buying on drinks that I really didn't want.

I guess the lesson here is to only try to date people you have something in common with.

The whole time we were hanging out in a bar, I was getting bored and wondering when we were going to leave. But to her, we couldn't leave the bar until she heard those two magic words, "Last call!"

Navigating the Holidays

I met a new girl just before Christmas. We had just started dating, so it was way too soon to give each other big Christmas gifts. I just gave her something small. We talked about spending Christmas together, but it just didn't work out. She had plans with her family, I had plans with mine.

I had to work on New Year's Eve at my bartending job, so we couldn't see each other then. We dated for a couple more weeks before it finally fizzled out in mid-January. I was sorry to see it end so soon, but on the other hand, I would've hated to blow a lot of money on Valentine's Day, only to break up a week later.

The upshot of it all is that I dated a girl for a month or so but got out of spending big bucks on Christmas, New Year' Eve, and Valentine's Day. I'm not saying I'm cheap or anything, but you have to give me credit for good timing!

Drunk Dialing

Have you ever Drunk Dialed anyone? I haven't. But I did have someone Drunk Dial me the other night. It was a girl I have been dating for the past few weeks. She was out late with her friends, getting a good buzz going.

I had gone to bed extra early that night, and was resting soundly when the phone rang at one in the morning. I saw that it was my friend, "Bonnie," calling. (Name changed to protect the innocent.)

She was very drunk. And very loud. And giddy. I was tired. I just wanted to close my eyes and go back to sleep. I like Bonnie, but I don't like talking to anyone after being awakened from a deep sleep. Her conversation was all over the place. She was giddy like a schoolgirl, mad at me for some stuff I said last week. Horny for me. Pissed at me. Up, down, it was like a roller coaster ride. She started bringing up issues that we have had in our relationship ever since we met.

I really didn't feel like having a serious discussion about "where we were going" at that moment. I didn't feel like doing anything except going to sleep. The conversation went on fora few more minutes, with her doing most of the talking. I just tried to agree with everything she said and hoped I would be able to get back to sleep.

Finally she decided it was time to get back to partying with her friends and she ended the call. I'm not sure what either one of us got out of it. It is flattering that she chose to call me, but it would have been much more flattering if she waited till morning and been more coherent.

I turned off my phone and went back to sleep. Sure enough, when I woke up the next morning, I found a couple more messages from Bonnie. Nothing important, just more Drunk Dialing. I also found a text she wrote when she woke up that said "Sorry about the drunk dialing."

At least she realized what she had done and that it was wrong. I really don't drink enough to ever drunk dial anyone. But that's okay. Sometimes you can dial someone while stone sober and still annoy them just as much. Trust me, I'm an expert at it!